So these last couple days have been crazy, but fun at the same time. Today I was dragged out of bed by a group of airport employees (mainly Midwest Connect and Airtran) and was talked into going to meet at a bar at 3 in the afternoon and they had just gotten off of work. Can I just say this was some of the most fun I have had in a long time aside from my drunken escapades with Romeo and friends.
While talking with my hopefully future Mister, I realized that my life isn't exactly where I would like it to be. I have a lot of guilt, anger, shame, and disappointment built up in my life because of numerous reasons; all of which can't be attributed to the ex. I wish I would do more with my life. I wish I were more important in the grand scheme of things, and who knows, maybe someday I will be. But for the time being I feel pretty worthless... I'm ashamed of my job, it's about the equivlant to mall security. I'm angry that I let someone dictate my life in a direction that I didn't want it to go and didn't follow my dreams and ended up in a job that I despise because it's so menial. For some reason, money is a big big deal to me and I guess that's only cause I don't have it. I hate living paycheck to paycheck and I don't attribute that to anyone other than I can't control my spending and have made a couple of bad choices. I just feel like life has screwed me while having my pants on.
On a brighter side, I get to see someone that I haven't in 3 weeks and have actually started to miss. We started hanging out about 2 weeks before he went on vacation and we have talked every day (I think) since he left. He is very hesitant about me though because of my previous relationship and thinks I may be moving fast for other reasons, which I totally understand but I don't feel that it has anything to do with the way I feel. He too has come out of the same relationship so maybe he knows a bit better than I do. I feel I am totally over the ex but that there is still pain to be dealt with. Who knows, maybe therapy is in my future. God knows my parents have contributed to the need for it.
Other than that, i have a pretty full week of hanging with people and going on dates and work and then I have my State Police Physical Ability Test on Saturday, which I have actually been preparing for. It's something I want to do but don't really know if I want to put up with the hassle of the process to get it. I don't do well with people yelling at me cause I end up laughing if they stare me down eye to eye.
On an odd note, I need a few ideas for things to do downtown if anyone has any ideas... new and fresh ideas. I really want to go paintballing but I find that to be not so much of a date environment. LOL.
Peace
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